Reflections on a Funeral

I got a little vacation today. My husband's aunt passed away and we drove two hours to her funeral. We took McKay who was completely engrossed in books, writing, and the alphabet song all the way over and all the way back.

When we arrived at the church, there weren't very many cars in the parking lot and the funeral was supposed to start in 40 minutes. The church was pretty quiet, even though there was a viewing going on.

When they had the family prayer before the funeral began, the room was absolutely packed (and furnace-like). Then we had the processional into the chapel (which was a blessed 15 degrees cooler), and I counted exactly six people there who were not family.

I pondered this throughout the funeral. I remember singing at a funeral a year or so ago and there were exactly 35 people in attendance. I remember telling one of my friends that I hoped my life would reflect more than 35 people when I died. I thought of that today as I listened to a life sketch of a woman I hardly knew. The chapel was full, and all but six people were there because they had an obligation by relationship.

Aunt Winona was 89 years old. She and Uncle Glenn had been married 71 years. At the end of 89 years, she had a large posterity. And that's who came to her funeral. Does the number or type of people at your funeral make a statement about your life?

At first, I told Randy that I didn't want to die when I was 89; I didn't want to die when I was so old that all my friends and acquaintances were also dead. Then I wondered if that was the mark of a life well-lived.

Perhaps the mark of a life well-lived is that your posterity fills the church. Perhaps the mark of a life well-lived is that your posterity celebrates your life. Perhaps the mark of a life well-lived is that the family dinner following the funeral service is marked by laughter and renewed friendships. It is unfortunate that someone must die for family to see each other. Randy saw cousins today that he hasn't seen for 23 years. He was able to talk with aunts and uncles that he hasn't seen for several years.

I'm not sure I came to a conclusion about funerals. Would my Nevada friends who I have loved and miss so dearly come to my funeral? Maybe. Would my childhood friends, who I continue to keep in touch with, come to my funeral? I don't know. Will there be more than 35 people there? As long as my siblings, their spouses and children, and Randy's brothers' families come, then yes.

I think what matters most is that the life being celebrated is a life well-lived. Each person must decide for himself or herself what that means.

I just hope it means more than 35 people show up.

Is It Summer Yet?

We had one beautiful day last week. We hit 70 degrees!

And then the cold came back. Snow is in the forecast for this week.

I've forgotten what to do when the weather is warm. Maybe this will help me remember.

Nope. Just made me miss Lori and her family.

Because My Sister Doesn't Have a Blog of Her Own

On Monday, my sister - we'll call her Bear - loaded up her family and went for a little drive. My sister (who is younger but taller) lives near Portland, Oregon, and a famous blogger was headed her way.

Yes, you know who I am talking about. This here would be the famous (and beautiful) Pioneer Woman, creator of the delicious chocolate cake and bread pudding I used to share with my friends back in Elko.

Oh- the days when I had friends....

The famous Ree Drummond who bakes all sorts of delicious things with pounds and pounds of butter (and while she doesn't gain a pound, I gain 20 just reading the recipes) was on her way to the equally famous Powell's Bookstore for a book signing.


Can you believe this crowd? Bear picked up a number as soon as she got there and her number was 316.

While my sister was waiting for Ree to speak, she would call me with updates. At one point she said, "There's her daughter. I have to go!"

And my sister got to snap a photo of this cutie! This is PW's oldest daughter and Bear related to me that the daughter is tall. Taller than my sister, and my sister is about six inches taller than me. And just in case you're wondering, that book that beautiful daughter wouldn't put down is the second in The Hunger Games series (I think). Great series, by the way. (Read more about the daughter here.)

PW spoke for a few minutes and then commenced signing of hundreds of cookbooks. How she manages to do this for literally HOURS at a time without getting a cramped hand is beyond me. Maybe her writing isn't very neat.

My sister waited. And waited. And entertained her children. It was a book store so Adam had plenty to keep him entertained.

And after Jared's tummy was full, he was pretty content.

They called the numbers in groups of 10 and at 9:30 p.m. they called the 280-290 group. My sister was getting close. And then one of her other three boys decided to wake Jared up and play with him. Jared didn't like that very much. He stared to fuss, and not just a little. By this time, my sister and her entourage were close enough that PW noticed the commotion. Thankfully, PW took pity on my sister and said to the crowd, "Should we expedite the mother of the crying baby?"

And that's how my sister skipped at least 26 people in line. Thank you, PW. I'm sure the other 26 thank you, too. Of course, Bear did say that by then everybody there had become fast friends. I imagine that anywhere PW is the people are kind and good and instant friends.

My sis, bless her thoughtful heart, took a bottle of homemade blackberry jam to PW. See, those blackberries grow wild up there and my sis jams them and pies them and doesn't share with me. Then again, I haven't been to Portland for almost 2 years. Bear did say that PW was kind and gracious, but still a little reserved. Actually, I think what my sister specifically said was, "Ree hasn't quite come out of her shell." So I think it's true what PW says about being a hermit.

See those three cookbooks on the edge of the table there? One of them is mine. Yeah me! Once I receive the cookbook, I will let you know about PW's handwriting.

I'm so glad Bear got to go meet PW. I would have gone with her if I'd lived closer. Steve (her husband) was a good sport and her boys were troopers. Maybe someday I'll get to post my own story about meeting PW and maybe someday, my sister will get her own blog.

In the meantime, I'm happy to post her stories here.

Love Notes

From across the room, this is what I saw.




A smashed muffin? Where on earth did that come from? I had to move in for a closer look.






Too stinkin' cute! Some day, when McKay can read, he will appreciate his brother's thoughtfulness. As for me, it doesn't surprise me. Tanner is just that way.

McKay's Shot

McKay was sitting on my lap and the camera entertained him while we waited (and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited -- I think you get the idea) for Braxton's events at the track meet. I was deleting all the pictures of my feet and the sky when I came across this one of my girl. A very fun, very pure photo of the girl McKay calls "Kilee Princess." (Gee, Papa, where do you suppose he got that idea from?)

Nothing to Do on a Friday Afternoon

It's Friday. I had nothing to do this afternoon. No plans whatsoever. Normally, that would be a wonderful thing. Today it was a sad thing.

You see, every Friday since October (yes, six months ago), I've met my beautiful niece in Rexburg and we've had a treat. Cory would just be getting out of class and I would have just dropped Kilee off at ballet. We met at nearly every eatery in Rexburg and sampled the sweets everywhere we could. How I've managed to lose 15 pounds in the last six months is beyond me.

Well, last Saturday, my sweet, go-out-to-eat-with-me niece graduated from BYU-I with a bachelor's degree. And then she drove away from Rexburg, got a job, and is moving to some po-dunk town in Colorado. (Actually, I don't know if it's po-dunk or not; I just made that up.)

One week ago, Cory had a graduation party. She is totally going to grow up to be Martha Stewart.

Her family came up from Colorado, as did her older sister who is almost done at ISU (the mom and older sister are in the picture below). We had a wonderful evening visiting and eating and visiting and eating.



Then Cory left. And I don't think she looked back. I was so happy for Cory. This next time of her life is going to be so exciting! I kept teasing her about staying, but Rexburg is a little too cold for her (boy, do I know how she feels).

Then Sunday came. We came home from church and started setting the table. McKay innocently asked, "Is Cory coming?" and I started to cry. (It should be noted here that my sweet husband didn't say a word about my tears, but simply wrapped his arms around me.) Cory came for Sunday dinner every Sunday since we moved into this house. She played with the kids and we visited and it was always wonderful. It was a quiet dinner last Sunday.

And now Friday is here and I'm sad all over again. I didn't realize how much I would miss her. I loved our conversations about BYU-I, roommates, her dad and my husband (who are brothers), the options for her future, and the gospel. Cory was always so appreciative of everything we did for her. I remember telling her once, "We're family, Cory. This is what family is about. This is what family is."

I so enjoyed getting to know my niece and having her be a part of our lives. She has such a sweet testimony and is a wonderful woman. We will all miss you, Cory.

Proud Moment

Braxton got a phone call this afternoon. Later, he related the conversation to me:

Other boy: I just wanted to remind you that we don't got mutual tonight...
Braxton: Dude, you can't say that. It's "we don't have." Man, if my mom heard you talking like that she'd correct you.

But I didn't have to because Braxton already did! Oh, I am such a proud mom. In the world of English teaching moms, this is the icing on the cake.

Now, if I could just get him to remember to make his bed every morning.

The Eldest Child

You know how you think you know what you're doing and then your eldest child comes along and you make mistake after mistake in parenting? And then your second child comes into the world and you don't make nearly as many mistakes. Well, that's what I felt like with this class and I even told my class as much. They were my eldest child and I was making all my mistakes on them. Thankfully, this wonderful group of students managed to survive me and I know better how to teach the second child.

My students kept telling me I would miss them. Indeed, I will.

I will miss Danielle's beautiful smile. She's heading to BYU-Hawaii. I'm jealous. I told her to take lots of sunscreen. I'm going to go visit her. Do you think she'll remember me when I show up at her dorm room?

This is Brian. Brian earned his associates degree at BYU-I and is transferring. I asked him about the scruffy look and he told me that his razor broke and he's not going to replace it because he's never going to shave again. I understand that BYU has that affect on some people.

Derek, from Chicago, served in the Las Vegas West Mission. I asked him once about the worst place he ever served. His answer: Winnemucca. Derek didn't like to talk in class either, but he eventually came around to my way of thinking. Then I found out he was majoring in exercise science and I didn't want him to talk so much.

Alex (on the right) didn't want to be photographed alone, so I make Kelli slide over next to her. Alex had a her own personal style and the neatest handwriting I've ever seen. You know, you can learn a lot about a person by eavesdropping on their phone conversations...which I did because Alex was always on the phone with her husband right before class started.

Kelli (on the left) didn't like to talk in class either. One day, she came to me for help and I discovered that she had a lot to say about everything. After that, I called on her often in class. She had a lot to contribute. She's from San Diego. I was very in favor of a field trip to her hometown.

Shelbi wants to be a nurse when she grows up. She claimed this corner on the first day of class, and strangley, nobody ever challenged her for it. Shelbi asked me a lot of questions and I enjoyed the challenge they gave my brain.

Crystal was another one of those silent types. I cured her of that. She challenged me to go running and how could I turn her down? I would look like a wimp (which I am but I don't want her to know that). Besides, I enjoy a challenge. I just hope she can keep up with me. (ha ha ha ha ha ha)

I will even miss Bradley, king of the one liners. He plans to be a computer programmer, but I think he may be more successful as a stand-up comic. One day in class, I told him I was going to tape his mouth shut. The next class period, he brought his own roll of tape to class.

Between Bradley and Michael B., I got my comic relief. I don't have a picture of Michael B. But I will never forget his opening prayer in which he thanked Heavenly Father for the weekend. Aren't we all grateful for the weekend? How often do we think to thank our Father in Heaven for it?

Valorie is graduating tomorrow. She's pregnant, just in case you couldn't tell. (She's reading that book which will never tell her the things she really needs to know, like she's going to be terrified when the sun goes down on the first day at home of that child's life. But who am I to ruin her fun?) When I put my students in groups, I wondered why I could always hear Valorie's voice above all others. Then I went to her senior vocal recital and heard her fill up the recital hall with just her pair of lungs and I no longer wondered. She was our strong soprano when we sang hymns. She also liked to lead us in ritardandos.

We could almost set our watches by Ty, who had a tendency to run about 10 minutes late on a daily basis. But then at the end of the semester he pulled it together and came early! Threw us all off our schedule. Did I mention that I took donuts on the last day of class. I just didn't want you to think that Ty just randomly ate chocolate covered donuts in class.

Wesley is the one who randomly ate in class. I don't have a picture of Wesley. He didn't come to the last class (because technically he didn't have to) and he missed our VERY important final at the frozen yogurt place because he was working in the temple. Admirable, don't you think?

Zach served in the Las Vegas Mission and even spent a night in Elko! He is also transferring to BYU-Hawaii. I greatly doubt that he'll have a teacher over there who will bring donuts to class...or get off topic...or bring their mother and daughter to class.

My other Derek came from Ashton. He served in Alabama so we had some great talks about life in the South. Derek had a 50 pound biology textbook in his backpack. I honestly don't know how he stood up straight.

This is Josh with his adorable wife, Jenny. (I don't even know if I'm spelling her name right.) She's pregnant, too. Josh is transferring to BYU and informed me that my class was a waste of his time because it won't transfer to BYU. I told him that my class was not a waste of time because knowing me is celestial. Okay, Josh, I'm sorry the class won't transfer, but you sure were a lot of fun to have in class.

This here would be the Treters: Mike and Kimberly. They are married. For one year on Sunday. They are a cute couple who kissed when they said hello at the beginning of class. Nevermind the fact that they had only been apart for a few hours, they still kissed with each hello. Having a married couple in class was fun. Think of all the great conversations starters I must have given them.

Andrew is a Rexburg native and is such a positive, happy man. He isn't very trustful, though. He doesn't trust my digital drop box. Just because it ate three of his four papers is no reason not to trust it.

I don't have pictures of all my class. For example, Richard, who became a first-time dad this semester. Bryce who knows more about physics than I ever care to know. Amanda E. who went to London for a week. Amanda C. who is absolutely passionate about the theater. Jordyn, who plans on transferring to BYU.

I moved our final from campus to the frozen yogurt place near campus.

I told them to bring their spouses and most of them did. Some brought friends or siblings. I even took my spouse. He took the pictures.

I will always remember my first class at BYU-I, my eldest child. They were patient with me and even though they didn't like the fact that my class was required, they came prepared (for the most part). I remember my surprise on the second day of class when they had actually done their homework AND they participated. They even participated when I made them sing (and do the actions) "Once There Was a Snowman." (And WOW! could this class sing!) My job was so much easier because I had such a great class. They worked hard to follow the learning model and teach one another.

They even taught me a thing (or fifty). And if they remember to sing, they will be able to handle anything.

Dear Students

I took pictures of my class this week and I finally told them my blog address. This morning I see quite a few hits from Rexburg so I'm assuming they are looking for themselves. So, dear students, this note is for you.

I have to grade 23 final papers that are an average of 10 pages long. I'm going to start that this morning. However, this afternoon I will take a break and update my blog. I know you are all just very anxious to see what I'm going to say about you.

Until then....

Sister Stocking

Easter Weekend

Nana and Papa braved the nasty weather to come spend Easter weekend with us. I thought I had my camera out a lot, but I really didn't. There are more pictures in my head. Not that it helps any of you...

Nana and Papa came on Thursday evening. It was snowing and blowing and I was worried about them but they arrived just fine. They even brought a bedtime snack. Friday morning we were up early. Randy still had to go to work and I still had a class to teach. After whole wheat pancakes, Nana sat with Tanner while he practiced the piano.

Then, Nana and Kilee came to class with me and Papa took the boys to CAL Stores to browse. I think all the boys were in heaven. After class, we ate lunch at KFC (Papa's favorite). We took the boys home and Nana, Kilee, and I met Cory (my niece---well, technically, she's Randy's niece) for ice cream. Friday night found us playing the Wii with Nana and Papa and watching it snow.

Saturday morning brought General Conference and a good reason to stay home. Not that we could go anywhere. There was way too much snow.

I'm done with snow, by the way. I'm moving back to Nevada where the sun actually shines. Lake Stocking had just dried up and now it's back!

Nana was working on a project and put it on the floor to take a look at it. McKay decided that meant it was his spot so he flopped down on it and then made Papa take up residence next to him.

I'm certain McKay has no idea what he's doing on the DS, but Papa is so good to just be interested in everything. The love this little boy has for his Papa is so special. I'm sure my dad was absolutely exhausted when he went home; he was probably also a little lonely.

Papa wasn't the only one getting some serious love. Kilee hardly left Nana's side. Nana painted Kilee's fingernails, helped Kilee cook, and pretty much had a Kilee shadow while she was here. Between conference sessions, Nana got out her camera and showed Kilee the pictures of last week's trip to Oregon (to visit my sister's family).

Nana explained every single picture and Kilee listened to the whole trip and loved seeing the pictures of her cousins.

While the guys were at priesthood Saturday night, we made cinnamon rolls for Sunday's breakfast. Of course they ate a few as soon as they got home, but they were good on Sunday morning, too, while we searched for Easter eggs and baskets. During the morning session, Braxton got out the hymn book and asked Papa to sing tenor with him on the congregational hymn.

Hearing my dad sing with my son was a tender moment for me as I have wonderful memories of my father's tenor voice.

Easter dinner of stuffed pork tenderloin was wonderful. The carrot cake was good (even though it fell in the middle) and the company was great. Thankfully the weather on Sunday was beautiful so that Nana and Papa would have a safe trip home. We loved having them here and look forward to them coming again. Papa did say it would have to stop snowing before he came again.

What that really means is that I may never see them here again because I don't believe there will ever be an end to winter up here!

States and Capitals

Nana is here visiting. Tanner asked her to help him review for his states and capitals test. Her job was to name the state and he would name the capital. It went like this:

Nana: Georgia
Tanner: Atlanta

Nana: Alabama
Tanner: Montgomery

Nana: Maine
Tanner: I don't know.
Nana: I don't know either.
Tanner (hollering): What's the capital of Maine?
Randy (hollering back): Augusta

Nana: Michigan
Tanner: I don't know.
Nana: Oh.
Tanner (hollering, again): What's the capital of Michigan?
Randy: Lansing.

Nana: Ohio
Tanner: I don't know.
Nana: Me neither.
Tanner: Nana! How did you ever make it past 5th grade?!